Yo, moderate this

So the other day Troglopundit got some other bloggers (including yours truly) to tell him what they’d ask if they could moderate one of the Republican presidential debates.  Which is a pretty lazy way to come up with a post, if you think about it.  Just provide a little intro, and let your corresponding bloggers fill it in. And you got you a post (which will get at least as many readers as bloggers involved, and maybe more).

Then I thought about it a little more and I realized, hey, I’m lazy.  I should do that too.  So I did.

I didn’t query bloggers though.  That’s so three days ago, you know?  Instead I went with the next best thing: fictional characters.  And here’s what they had to say*.

Bugs Bunny (to Santorum): “Eh, what’s up, Senator?  Now, I know you don’t like the idea of gay couples getting married.  Hey, you’ve got yer principles.  But what about cats and skunks?  Dogs and roosters?  Tasmanian devils and cleverly-disguised rabbits in drag?  Not me, of course.  How do you feel about all that muck, Chuck?”

Anakin Skywalker: “My job takes me out of town a lot, and my wife’s pregnant, and I worry, y’know?  Sometimes I have visions of her getting really sick, even dying.  And me being a Jedi, whatever it is that’s going to happen to her, most insurance companies say my visions make it a pre-existing condition so they won’t cover her.  If I can’t get some help, I’m going to have to find another job with better coverage just to make sure she’s all right.  Who knows what I’ll wind up doing?”

Glenn Reynolds: “During the last debate in Iowa, you all claimed that you wouldn’t consider tax increases of any kind, even if it came with spending cuts that were ten times as much.  Really?  Haven’t you heard my ideas about Hollywood’s tax rates, or post-Washington income taxes?  You wouldn’t go for those?  Heh!  Indeed!!”

C. Montgomery Burns
: “What I worry about is the little guy.  Oh, I’ve done all right for myself, but there are some poor blokes out there who only have maybe two or three mansions to live in, and if the economy gets any tighter who knows?  A fellow can barely get by on a million or so a year as it is.  I demand to know what you intend to do for those poor souls.”

Doc Brown: “Please pardon the sloppy state of my clothing.  You see I’ve just returned from a successful test of my flux capacitor, v.3.1.6, and first let me offer my congratulations to President Paul… er, I mean, forget I said that…”

The guy with the hat from XKCD
: “If I tunnel into a stranger’s VPN via SSH, brute-force the password with a Perl script I wrote myself and execute a man-in-the-middle attack on Paul Erdos’s Facebook page just because I’m miffed that my dihydrogen oxide underwent a phase shift after a low pressure system blew into town, what are the chances that none of you understood a word I just said except for ‘Facebook’?”

Jayne Cobb: “What I don’t get is, what kind of lily-livered, pussywhipped, sad little pantywaists don’t even have a manned space program?  You want to be stuck down here on this crowded rock?  With the Alliance UN eyeballing every move you make?  Gimme the black, where a man can make a living and go where he wants and carry a Callahan full-bore auto-lock with a customized trigger, double cartridge and thorough gauge without needing a piece of paper that says he can.  Whaddaya think of that, pencilnecks?”

New game, tell your friends: what fictional character would you pick, and what would he/she/it ask the candidates?

*The views expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect those of the Mister Pterodactyl Consortium.
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One Response to Yo, moderate this

  1. Lance Burri says:

    Actually, you’re the only one I asked, and only because I hadn’t thought to have you ask: as President, in what way will you stomp on the rumors that I was flightless?

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